Reunions

 

I am going to start a family reunion.  I figure that my side of the family needs one and I have learned a few do’s and don’t’s from Kevin’s reunions and previous experiences with my own family.
1.  We each get our own living establishment with our own toilets.  This could be a hotel room, RV, or house.
2.  Each dinner is catered by a different eating establishment.  I may love Uncle Stanley with all my heart but if I have to eat his potato salad one more time…
3.  We will each answer a get to know you questionnaire and the answers can not be contradicted by other members of the family.  These members can make notes about how wrong you got it and save them for the free for all on the last night.
4.  There should be designated areas where you are allowed to be alone.  If there is a sign that says “occupied” the next relative must run away so that the person there gets some unrelated time.
5.  Leftovers from dinner are not to be served for breakfast.  In fact, each family is in charge of their own breakfast.  You have to have one meal a day with your immediate family to make sure that Aunt Gertrude has not hurt your son’s feelings by telling him that if she ever had a redheaded grandchild she would drown it.  (I can't even BEGIN to tell you how many times I heard this one)
6.  You are under no obligation to listen to “good ole day” stories.  If Grandma Mamie starts to say, “I remember when…” she cannot be offended if everyone in the room gets up and leaves.
7.  There is no obligation to participate in group activities.  In fact, many people enjoy their relations more if they never have to do anything with them.
8.  Finally, on the last night, you are allowed to say whatever you want to whomever you want in a big giant family free for all.  Let's be honest... you can't leave a family reunion without someone saying something that ruffles your feathers.  This way you have a designated time slot for you to make everyone knows how you feel.  And you can go back as far as you would like in airing grievances so that if your brother locked you in an end table at the age of five and you haven't been able to crawl into an end table for fear you won't get out ever since, this would be the time to bring it up.  Reunions are to bring everyone together and nothing brings you closer than picking sides.

I’m sure I have missed some very important parts of the family reunion puzzle.  These are just a few ideas I have come up with.  I am sure I will amend this list once I do go to a family reunion or two this summer.  Or if I am lucky, my mom will fall down some stairs and break her hip and I will have to take care of her instead of going.  Wouldn’t that be nice.