Monday, August 31, 2009

Living Next to the Joneses

(Grace Jones pictured is not my neighbor.)
(The title should be read phonetically, I believe.) Our next door neighbors at the condo are "perfect." The mom is my age, has had four kids and is skinny. All of the kids tan. The son can do any sport he wants and the four year old girl just road a two-wheeler for the first time today. The 12 yr old girl is getting into competitive cheer. They have a suburban, not a mini-van.

My kids burn. James hates sports. We were trying to ride a two-wheeler today and he got very discouraged. We are trying to tie shoes as well, and it is taking a few tries. Katherine doesn't care if she rides a bike or cheers as long as people are paying attention to her, and if Seth is bad at a sport, he just head butts or bites the kid with the ball.

I feel like Steve Martin in "Parenthood" where his kid likes to put a bucket on his head and run into walls. Rick Moranus says, "you must be so proud."

This is the part of parenthood I don't like. I don't like sounding things out phonetically, running along side a bike and trying to explain how to balance, talking about bunny ears going around a tree and going through the hole to tie a shoe, or feeling inadequate in any way. Why is it baby animals are born with innate abilities and human kids aren't? If a duck can swim and fly without being taught, why can't my kid be born riding a bike? Doing cartwheels? Eating vegetables and liking it?

I miss law school where I would write a crappy brief and my professor would say, "This is a piece of crap," and I would nod and leave cussing her out. It would be over and done with. Parenthood is a process. I really hate processes. I was never meant to be a factory worker.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


See full size image

Kevin and I joke about the type of people you see at Wal-mart. Somehow Target, K-mart, and Shopko don't seem to have to have the same type of people that Wal-mart seems to attract. I truly do not understand this phenomenon.

Case in point: I just went there to buy some rope to use as a decoration for a cowboy themed party I am throwing tomorrow because Kevin thought it would be a good idea to invite 25 dentists to the condo. (You know your husband invites too many people over when you start saying "only 25 people" are coming.)

As I was walking out, I saw a man with ropes tied around each knee. I looked more closely and I noticed bags under the ropes with clear tubes running up to his waist. I looked even more closely and noticed yellow liquid in the bag tied to his left knee. He had a catheter bag tied to his left knee. I can only imagine what the right knee bag was for because it was empty.

I understand that people have health problems. I understand that wearing a catheter must be a nuisance. But how do you become so fed up with wearing one, that you decide it is ok to wear it OUTSIDE your clothes tied to your knees?

Next time, I'm buying rope at Target.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

In all seriousness...

I'm warning you that this is a serious blog. At least, that is my intention writing it. We shall see what develops. I have a hard time sustaining seriousness.

I recently "facebooked" an old friend. I think I knew him 4 years of my college 'experience.' He is finishing his PHD and working in DC to save the world. Ok. I realized I always thought I would do similar things. I would teach English in Yemen or help immigrants become naturalized in Chicago or California. In other words, I would be working for the 'greater good.'

Instead, I am a stay at home mom. This transition has been more difficult than I care to imagine. I am not a mom with a career; I am a stay at home mom. Occasionally I write, but mostly I clean up urine. I am not helping 100's of people; I am helping 4. It took this last week at education week at BYU to realize I need to focus on this.

The whole time I have been a mom, I have wanted a career. I think I finally learned I have to figure out how to be a mom before I can do both. This is what my organizational goal is about. I will know where the paper is. I will know my kids are fed and healthy. I will have things as much under control is possible with humans in perpetual motion.

Then I am hoping I will learn the lessons I need so I can have more. I need to learn how to use a zipper before I purchase the leather jacket with the 35 zippers. (the analogy is there, I swear) I am really, really hoping that once I learn this, my reward will be to have the time to have the career I have always wanted: Sports agent.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

House of Order

Ok. 2 major things have inspired this blog.
1. I saw Julie and Julia and thought of something I needed to be accountable for through my blog.
2. I went to education week and took classes from Marie Ricks, professional organizer.

So here is my goal. I will spend form today to January 1st becoming organized. I will do daily cleaning jobs. I will create a master menu of 28 meals and rotate them and only them. I will create a master grocery list and stick to it. I will get control of my paper. I will calendar and get ahead instead of behind. I will add more time to my day by being organized and stop stressing about the household stuff not getting done because it will be done. I will be proactive and take this whole "in charge of the household" thing seriously. I will therefore be able to finish my book because I will open up time.

I will find a new husband who is not a worse procrastinator than I am.

I figure I will give it until January. I may not be completely organized by then, but I should be converted. If I am not converted, I figure my new year's resolution will be to deal with the fact I am unorganized.

And you dear readers will go along with me. You will hear of my wonderful times being organized and figuring out how to do this. I am still confused how I will do it with 2 homes, but I will. I will just have to alter a few things. Who knows, perhaps I will be a writer/professional organizer soon. Or I will take valium and achieve inner peace with how life is.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Estate Jewelry

I was just at my parents' house and I realized they have a lot of stuff. They have a lot of useless stuff. It made me ponder as I thought about a friend who just helped her mom sell her house and go through all her useless stuff. It inevitably comes down to the children to go through all of this stuff. Now I'm not saying that my parents are close to kicking the bucket (unless you ask them and then they may tell you the bucket is already tipping and doesn't need to be kicked, a good nudge should get them to the other side just fine) but watching my brother help my mom put full-size Louis L'Amour books back on the shelf made me ponder. Who is going to want any of this? My husband loves L'Amour but only in paperback. My parents have their VHS library still. Even though they no longer have video players. It is a confusing situation.

I just think my parents should stop buying things. They are spending my inheritance on things I don't want. I think they should ask me from now on what they should buy. I think that would be nice.

This is why I buy lots of expensive jewelry. I figure Katherine will like to wear it when she is older or she can hawk it and can get money for it. I guess I could ebay L'Amour, but it isn't as easy as jewelry. I think instead of buying leather books, my dad should start buying L'Amour inspired jewelry - takes up less room and easier to get money back. Cuz there is no way I would wear it.