O Tannenbaum

It is 5˚. I went outside today and felt warm. I didn’t zip my coat. I was ok without a hat. I didn’t need gloves. It was amazing. I got gas today because it was so warm. The phrase: “It’s all relative” has never meant more to me in my life. For the last 5 days, it was ranged between -11˚ and -1˚. Being outside for more than 2 minutes makes parts of your body ache in pain. Anything exposed to the elements is fair game. I am able to count how many nose hairs because I can feel each one individually freeze. The kids can’t play outside and I’m tired of picking up blankets that have been made into forts.
When I take the kids to school, they don’t have to get dressed in snow clothes because it is too cold to play outside. They keep putting dirt on the roads, but only right in front of stop signs. You can slip and slide in the middle of the road, but will regain control right before the end of the road because there is 2 feet of dirt. I don’t understand Montana. Sometimes I feel as though they are surprised every year it is cold and snowy.
Due to this cold, we have a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree AGAIN. One side of the tree has no branches. Last year we cut off branches and drilled them into the side of the tree and wired them into place to make the tree look fuller. There is no point when your tree only has branches on ONE SIDE. Kevin’s excuse is that we went tree hunting when it was -8˚. I agree this is cold. I agree that I would not want to go into the woods and find a tree in this weather. That is why I want to go to a tree lot and buy one. Permits are $5. Trees in lots are @ $50. Our tree this year, however, is not even worth $5. I don’t think I could get more than $3 on the open market. With the recession, maybe $2.50.
I have been thinking about making it a true Charlie Brown tree. I could buy a real one that is full and luscious and tell Kevin it looks that way with the ornaments on it, but it is the same tree. Charlie Brown’s tree gained at least 100 branches once it had Snoopy’s ornaments on it.

The real kicker is that we aren’t supposed to cut down the type of tree it is. Of course Kevin just looked for a tree. He probably would have cut down an Oak if it were close enough and looked Christmasy.

So, we have a pathetic, illegal Christmas Stick while living in the arctic. Tis the season.

I'm supposed to be European

I want to speak Spanish, Chinese, French, and perhaps an African language. I want to live in all of these places and learn about their societies. I want to celebrate their festivals and wear their clothes. I want to blend in as much as a 5’10” redhead can. I want my children to grow up knowing about different people and understanding that we all make the world go around. I don’t want my 6 year old to see an Indian and ask, “Is he a terrorist?” (Never mind that when I was 6 I had no clue what a terrorist was.)

Instead I live in Montana where there are at least two ethnicities; I'm just not sure which two. People have license plates that say “cattle not condos.” I never knew there was a choice. How does one choose between the two? What happens if you want a house? What if you want a house made out of beef? These questions keep me up at night. I wonder if that is why I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Grass is Greener Everywhere Else

Well, it is kind of fun to blog and not post it yet. It lets me think my thoughts without having to worry that someone won’t understand them. I guess all of that will change once I publish this online.

I have never felt like that much of an accomplisher. The grass has always felt greener to other people. I have an amazing friend who has created a website and company, an amazing friend who takes the most incredible pictures, an amazing friend who travels the world, an amazing friend who has sarcoidosis and writes about it. I have 65 pages of a book written; I am trying to scrapbook my brains out so that I can get rid of my scrapbooking stuff and then I am going digital. I am in 2 book groups but only read the books for one of them. I am a terrible home maker. I don’t think I have made a home. I have made more of a dwelling. Maybe a hostel. I would appreciate it if my children provided their own sheets. My son is going through a phase of crankiness and crudeness. I think moms use the term “going through a phase” to make annoying characteristics of their children will one day go away. I decided to make
christmas presents this year and so I now own a lot of cut up material. I feel as though I am a starter and not a finisher. I continually start projects hoping that this one will be the one that fulfills my life. I guess that is why I admire my friends so much. They seem to have figured out their space or what keeps them going and I haven’t.
I have a tumor that makes me tired and I keep waiting for the medication to make everything better and for me to no longer be tired. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine by January. January is now 6 weeks away and I’m starting to think it may be longer. I am very afraid that I will be tired for the rest of my life. Luckily I can blog lying down.

Bribery

So there are some people who are mad at us, yet still want money from us. How does that work? How can you bad mouth someone and yet still think they will give you money? Just because we have a full time job and I’m going to be a famous author, it doesn’t mean we have money right now. We are dave ramseying it and trying to get out of debt. We have decided that we have racked up enough that it is time to pay it all off before we are all in soup lines.
At the same time, Kevin wants to have Senator Baucus over to our house to give him some money that a dental association want to give him. If he wants a bunch of dentists and a senator to come over, I need my house fully decorated. I don’t think that is too much to ask. I mean, instead of paying back student loans, shouldn’t we get new carpet? Where are our priorities?
I guess I should support Kevin because Baucus is a Democrat. Kevin has to hand a Democrat a check. I’m thinking of video taping it. It is a major occurrence in our family. We still don’t discuss politics, but this is a big step towards a middle ground. Let us have a moment of silence.

Advil PM

Well, life is better. My tumor is shrinking, but my hormones are flooding into my body. I spend days exhausted because progesterone is high that day. Of course yesterday was not helped by my headache. I had a massive headache and I was worried that I was getting a migraine. I took four pills from a bottle I saw with Advil on it. Once I took the pills, I saw the PM on the bottle. I slept from 2pm to 7am this morning. I occasionally woke up to get kids or tell Kevin that I am too tired to live. I had huge jet lag today. I just want to sleep but Kevin has a dental meeting tonight so I can’t fall asleep until I get my eyebrows waxed tonight. I find it very relaxing to have boiling wax poured on my face, waiting for it to cool and then having it ripped off. Hopefully the kids will be in bed when I get home and I get go back to bed.
After the tired stretches of time, I cry. I love hormones. I don’t know how men live without massive surges and recessions of them.
I’ve been watching HOUSE and so I’m learning a lot about medicine. I think by the end of this season, I may have a cure for cancer or at least my tumor.

I have a tumor (works best with arnold schwartzenegger accent)

This isn’t going to be published for a while but I thought you should know even though you still don’t know. I am taking medicine and it should all go away within six months. I thought it was a good diagnosis for this to be going away within a year, but I am experiencing puberty all over again. I am moody and my children are driving me nuts. I need them to be more mature than what they are. When I am experiencing a migraine for two days and my daughter does not understand why I cannot get her chocolate milk, I have melt downs. I do make unbelievable chocolate milk, though. I am doing my best to not get down on myself. I am tired more often than I ever thought. I get nauseous and I have gained back all the weight I have lost because you can be tired but still eat chocolate. The migraine has caused chocolate and caffeine to give me minor headaches so perhaps now I will become a fitness nut. I have someone to help me with my kids and someone to help me clean my house and now I just need a manicurist to come to my house. I will have to look into that.

I still do my own laundry, though.
People have been really understanding and that has been wonderful. I wonder if everyone has to go through a period of life where we are given the opportunity to rely on others and we are supposed to take that time and rely on others. It is a very difficult thing to do. I wonder when I stopped liked being taken care of. I have to take breaks all the time, though.
I had a migraine on Friday and Saturday and I told Kevin that my feet and hands were numb. He thought it was due to the tumor and not my migraine. He waited until I was asleep and stuck a needle in my foot to see if I had a reaction and I didn’t. Kevin got scared and wondered if my tumor was getting bigger. It isn’t and now he realizes that it was because of the migraine but he was so worried about me that he stuck a needle in me to see if I was ok. It is a very sweet love story. He is no longer allowed to watch House, however

You can't make this up.

Ok. So Kevin has a dental assistant we’ll call Katie because that is her name and sometimes, as Louise Plummer taught me, the name of the guilty should not be changed. She has worked for Kevin for about 3 years. She went off to school at BYU Idaho last fall and we had pretty much given her the money for her tuition. She met a guy there and after dating three different guys at the same time in Idaho and having a boyfriend still in Montana, she decided to marry Nate after leaving Idaho and talking to him exclusively on the phone for a week. She is 18 and he is 29. He graduated and stayed in Rexburg managing a plasma donation place. That is where they met. She was a regular plasma donor; but in college, weren’t we all?

OK. So Kevin now thinks she is nuts but still likes her so I offer to buy her wedding pictures as the wedding gift and then I can see my friend Sarah (who is the most awesome photographer ever and everyone should hire her). I was so grateful when Kevin’s dad paid for our pictures, that I wanted to do the same for her. She was going to have her future sister-in-law take the pictures because she had taken a photography class. Kevin then informed me I needed to throw her wedding shower. Members of the office were throwing the obligatory kinky one and I would be throwing the church/family/friends one.

I throw the greatest bridal shower on the planet. I decorate with pink and brown and rings. I make breakfast for everyone. We had a Pampered Chef party because Katie wanted one. She wanted a traditional party because she had never been to a bridal shower before, so we played stupid games and I gave as prizes chocolate and romance novels. I was entertaining and hospitable and Katie walked away with $400 worth of Pampered Chef. She said thank you but her mother said nothing.

So Katie was supposed to give a presentation at the office Wednesday although she was getting married Friday. She knew her wedding day and the presentation day and said ok a couple weeks earlier. Tuesday night, we get a call from Nate, the fiance. Katie’s mom, Kerri, called him and said Katie was stressed and he should call Kevin. So he did.

Nate told Kevin that he should be nicer to her, let her off the hook with the presentation and make sure we paid her for the week she watched our kids. He said that really stressed her out. Ok. Now. She is the 3rd of 13. Her parents adopted a bunch of kids after they had 5. She takes care of the youngest ones all the time. Her parents take vacations all the time and she is in charge. I came home to a disaster. NO LAUNDRY had been done for the whole week and the minute we walked in the door, she took off. Her brothers and sisters had been at our house often and our kids had been at her house often. I’m not sure what was stressful.

So Kevin said he didn’t know what Nate was talking about and Nate said , “You better be nice to Katie or my dad and brother will come up there.” (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?)

Kevin said, “Look. You have no legal rights with Katie right now. You are just the boyfriend and I shouldn’t be talking to you anyhow.”

Nate: “Fine. I’ll talk to you on Friday.” (The day of the wedding.)

Although we had been invited to the wedding ceremony, we, alas, did not go. Sarah and I got there before the end of the wedding and waited for everyone to come out. Nate walked out and came to my shoulders. The shallow part of me was really, really happy. Sarah agreed; we could have taken him down.

Hello. Today I am explaining why I am writing a blog. I’m not sure why I am doing this on the internet, but it seems to be of the time. I used to be an avid journal writer and in many ways I still am, but now it seems I should use a typewriter. Moleskin journals are truly wonderful, though.

I got up this morning and read a few of the blogs I know of. I have a friend who is running for Mrs. Utah. I have a friend who writes about how wonderful her family is. I have a friend who is starting her own company. I have a friend who is stick thin and after having a baby will go back down to being a stick. I felt defeated. I have a babysitter who comes so I can workout and yet I can’t lose the last 20 lbs. (It may have to do with creme brulee french toast, but I’m not sure.) I can’t seem to keep my house clean and I actually pay someone to clean it sometimes. (Right now, I have no idea where my broom is.) I am surrounded by bills I need to pay and people I need to call and by the end of the day I will feel as though I have accomplished nothing. I eat meat, although i was once a vegetarian. I do not leave my husband love notes, although I was just scuba certified for him. That is the true sign of love.

I am a licensed attorney but I have never practiced law. I throw parties. Kevin comes home and tells me that someone needs a bridal shower, a baby shower, a retirement party and I buy appropriately themed paper products and I throw a huge party. I should have majored in something like that in school. I don’t write in my journal regularly but I am up to date in my hostess planner book.

In college, I was slightly liberal. I say slightly because I am LDS and therefore can’t be truly liberal by default. I did not burn my bra, pierce odd parts of my body or get a tattoo. I don’t believe in free sex or single parenting by choice. At the same time, I was into camping and recycling and women’s issues and making the world a better place. I was an English major and really got into interpreting literature. At the same time, I never left the house without makeup unless I was jogging and I even wore mascara when camping. I wore a lot of men’s clothes, but also had a form fitting red dress that made men never forget that I’m a woman...

Now I have flipped. I get my nails done, but I will leave with only mascara on or in sweats on my way to the gym. I will go shopping after working out because I have limited no kids time. I go camping so my kids have the experience but not to enjoy the nature and I read more chick lit than literature lately. (I need to be able to pick up a book and read for 10 minutes at a time. Plot cannot be crucial.) I have thought a lot about who I am lately due to the fact that an old friend passed away. I sometimes wonder if people who knew me 10 years ago would know me still or if I was really all that different back then. I have always taken pride in how I look, tried to work out, wrote during available time, and enjoyed traveling. I have always tried to help people when I can and I used to invite people over to watch X-files every week. I guess who I am hasn’t really changed, just circumstances. I know the person I was 10 years ago would never have thought I would be doing what I am doing or living how I am living. I am glad to be where I am, though.