Toilets

If you had asked me 10 years ago where I would be, I'm not sure what I would have said, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be here. This morning I called my husband to find out where my keys were. They were in my purse. He drove the car last night, but I guess I put the keys in my purse. I have no recollection of that. When I said to him, "I guess I'm losing it," he said, "you have been for about 3 months." I thanked him for his support.

At the same time, I remember to put the car keys in the carry-on bag instead of the suitcase so that we have keys if they lose our luggage. I remember diapers, pull-ups, clothes for 3, toys, bottles, sippy cups, and medicine. So my memory must be ok still. I did forget my parent teacher conference for Kath's preschool but I remembered cupcakes for her graduation. I was the only one who brought sugar to the montessori graduation, by the way. The closest other sugar was mango bars. The cupcakes were gone in 2 seconds and some kids cried I hadn't made enough.

We went on vacation with James and left Kath and Seth and it has taken 2 weeks of work for one week of "vacation." I took a week to do laundry and get everything ready for my friend to watch the youngest two. I grocery shopped; I even got new windshield wipers. I tried very hard to do everything I could to make it easier for her. Now I am home and I am unpacking and doing laundry and packing and sorting so we can move out to the lake. I hate it. I hate housework. I don't understand how I ended up here. I never thought about marriage and children because I was never sure it would happen. (And those of you who knew me in college and hung out with the guys I dated understand this comment. Although they were all lovely people.) I have three degrees. I'm not sure that is the background of someone planning on having their day taken up so much by toilets - cleaning them, making sure boys aim for them, wiping bums over them, closing them so no one plays in them... I used to be careful how I flushed them in public (do not touch the handle) and now I just want them flushed. I used to go camping and hiking and visit in the sierra's of Mexico and could squat pee on demand. Now after 3 pregnancies, I only pee when I don't want to.

So now what? I am a stay at home mom whose kids don't listen to her and yet they still talk to each other like she talks to them which makes her cringe at times and reminds her to lower voice and use please and thank you and be more patient.

Perhaps this is why I like to read so much. I get to escape into another world... Possibly a world I thought I would be living in. Like the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Possibly I would be living with vampires, were-things, fairies, and other "supers". I'm sure I would be a waitress in a bar in Louisiana if I had never met Kevin. Yeah, THAT is the life my background prepared me for.

Barry

I have decided I should write about my evening with Barry. Barry Manilow, that is. Kevin's office convinced him that the greatest Christmas gift for me would not be scuba lessons which he wanted, but a trip to Vegas to see Barry in concert. This was my Christmas gift for 2007. It was the greatest gift I have ever received.
I went to Vegas alone. The Barry ticket was EXPENSIVE and I wasn't going to waste that kind of money on a non-Barry fan like Kevin. (He had gone with me to see Barry when in Iowa and it had not changed his life.) Plus, when on "vacation" Kevin likes to GO. I wanted a vacation.
I flew in on a Friday and slept until 2pm. It was a wonderful thing. Then I went walking and got a make-over at Sephora. I then realized I was walking the strip looking like a hooker, so I headed back to the hotel to get ready for Barry.
I wore my usual concert garb. I had on an old concert t-shirt, jeans, and birks. Ok, that is my usual garb, concert or not... I arrived in the lobby and realized that this was not the usual Barry conert garb. I, unlike the rest of the women surrounding me, did not have one rhinestone on me. Most of the women sparkled in an unnatural way or were wearing cocktail dresses. There were a couple of men in suits with frozen smiles on their faces, but I was the only one in a Barry shirt. So I quickly bought a pink boa they were selling for Copacabana and entered.
Kevin got me EXCELLENT seats. I was three rows back and I was feeling THE MUSIC AND THE PASSION.
During the copacabana finale, Barry walked up a clear staircase that went over the audience so the balcony could see him. When I looked up, it was all butt. It was a strangely spiritual experience.

So that was me and Barry. I wouldn't mind that Christmas present again. Especially before Barry's face gets pulled so tight it inverts.

psych ward

I bought a skirt from Lands End. At least I thought it was a skirt. It looks like a skirt but it has shorts under it. It isn't a skort, because I don't want to admit it is a skort, proving I bought it without reading it's name which says: "Skort." I don't just buy on a whim like my husband thinks I do... It is a skirt but with a seam down the center. I'm not sure what the seam is for. I guess it is in case you want to do a cartwheel and you are in a skirt and you don't want it riding up. But if you are buying a skirt in my size, you are probably not doing a cartwheel. I think they should offer the skirt in cartwheel and non-cartwheel versions. I am not returning it, though. It is really cute, but I think I will think my undies are falling down whenever I wear it.

I have blue fingernails. I painted them blue. I was feeling wild and crazy. In my twenties, I would have gone camping, driven to Vegas, gone dancing til 4. Now I paint my fingernails blue to show my wildness. Because if I go camping, I have to back for 5 people; if I go to Vegas, I have to find someone to watch the kids and clean my house, and set everything up for the time I am gone; if I go dancing, well, I don't quite get the same results and I have to get up the next morning and get people dressed and fed and that is no fun. So I paint my fingernails blue and I hide out in my bathroom until they are dry.

I am so crazy, I may need to go hang out with House in the psych ward in my skort.

systems

Three times this morning, I said, "Don't forget your shoes, James." I pointed the shoes out to James. I did not pick them up and hand them to him, but I had delivered his clothes to him and his socks and showed him his shoes. He is 6. He can pick up shoes and put them on. So why is it that we drive to school, already five minutes late and as I am opening the door and handing him his back pack, he says, "I don't have any shoes."?

We were then 20 minutes late. We are always late, but I pride myself in only being 5 minutes late. I really hate being 20 minutes late, because I have to get out of the car and sign James in. I am very honest when signing in, though. When I sign in, there is a space for the reason you are late. Most people leave this blank, but not me. When we were late because I showered and washed me hair AND shaved my legs, I wrote that. When I was getting the kids in the car and James and Kath were in the garage and Seth comes running out completely naked, I wrote that down. When I let James sleep in because he is not a morning person and can be a pain in the butt, I write that. I believe in honesty and the office actually enjoys seeing me when James is late because they want to know the reason.

I have developed a great relationship with the office so I don't get yelled at for having my kid late 50% of the time. Kevin wonders why when we look for property, I want to stay in this school district. The principal loves me. This is why we are staying here. I don't think Kevin understands the importance of a good relationship with the school. I have worked the system and I am not doing it AGAIN...

Now if I can figure out how to make a 2 year old get dressed and stay dressed. I have not figured out how to work that system.

Horrible

I have no idea why I started a book club. I cannot get my act together enough to organize one. I can't even meet the one in town half the time. So it is going to be postponed until further notice. I will continue to read trashy books - reading Dead until Dark right now - but I will no longer be public about it. I read Devil's Cub and enjoyed it and thought it was a fun book. I wouldn't give it to my mom for Mother's Day, but that is how I feel with most of the books I read. That is as much of a review as we will get right now. I just feel as though I have no time for anything anymore.

I keep creating goals for myself. I have the goal to run the 5k in a month; I have the goal to finish reading all of the books I keep buying; I have the goal to finish the independent study class or I have the goal of figuring out how to get an extension or I have the goal of seeing what it feels like to get an incomplete in a class; I have the goal of throwing a party for a new college grad - she started her degree at BYU then got married, had 3 kids, husband got cancer and 10 years later, she got a degree so we thought we would throw her a party... OK, Kevin thought it would be great if we (but really I) threw her a party; I have the goal of going through all of my kids clothes and getting rid of small ones; I have the goal of taking those clothes along with some toys to the goodwill; I have the goal of getting a pedicure for sandal season which may actually happen in Montana this year and I want to be prepared dammit; I have the goal of doing my hair and make up sometime this week; and I have the goal of being consistent with my book club and blog.

I am feeling overwhelmed.