Slivers

We drove to Utah to see dinosaurs live! It was an amazing show. My Two oldest kids sat there and watched it with oohs and awes. Katherine loved the baby dinosaurs although they were eaten by a carnivore. there was fighting, birth, death, eating of intestines, and flying through the air. vegetation grew right in front of us and then died due to acid rain, volcanoes and finally, the dreaded astroid. I watched dinosaurs eat, fight and blink their eyes and I don’t mind telling you that it scared the living daylights out of me. They were huge and they would have killed me. Even the Herbivores fought for food and herd domination. one of the herbivore babies could have stomped on my head and i would have been dead. when the t-rex, with the very noticeable giant black pole protruding out of its stomach, roared, i jumped. Higher than my 3 year old. she was not scared. she was just sad the babies died. i do not want to walk with the dinosaurs.

i should have known i was doomed from the beginning. on the way down to utah, i listened to a delightful chick lit novel full of cutesy comments and clever battering. it was an enjoyable book that kept me awake for 8 hours. it only had two problems. The soon to be ex-girlfriend is named dominque. automatically i knew she would be domineering or a dominatrix. (she was domineering. ) The second problem was the ending. The endearing girl and the zeus-like male end up consumating the relationship on a 200 year old wine vat during a wedding at a french villa. what, you may ask yourself, could possibly be wrong with this? First, she was wearing a mandarin dress at a french villa. that just seems wrong. adding to the incorrectness of the fashion, she was shocked to look down and notice that her dress had been unbuttoned by zeus. this led me to believe that she either had no feeling below the neck because as everyone knows, buttons on mandarin dresses are incredibly difficult to undo, or zeus had so much experience with mandarin dresses that he had learned the secret to undoing them unbeknownst to the wearer. either way, not a good outlook. I think I could have overlooked all of this, if it hadn’t taken place on top of a 200 year old wine vat. I must admit, I have never actually seen a 200 year old wine vat, but I am assuming they weren’t that much into sanding back then. how, pray tell, did she have this amazing experience and escape without a sliver? the only explanation i could come up with was that she really did get slivers but she had lost all feeling below the neck and therefore did not notice them.

Now before anyone tries to tell me that it is fiction and above that, it is chick lit which is usually an even more unbelievable form of fiction, realize that last night i almost ran out of the delta center afraid that a t-rex was after me. I have a very vivid imagination. I have no problem believing the shopaholic series or the blackbird sisters murder mystery series. in fact, i pretend they are my friends and talk to them regularly in my head. but, i stop at physical activity atop a roughly constructed wine vat without splinters. I can’t do it. I’m sorry. Even make believe dinosaurs had cuts and slashes on their skin. Of course they were fighting for their lives and the survival of their species. the same plot as most chick lit...