Sunday, October 25, 2009
I feel bad about my last post. I think it may have been whiney. I don't like to whine. I'm just really tired lately. I can sleep and sleep and sleep and it can get frustrating for a while but I am going to give myself kudos here... I still have the goal of getting up tomorrow and getting my kids to school and exercising and getting the laundry done.
I don't get much other housework done, but I figure this too will pass... and if it doesn't then I will deal with it. I'm just not sure how. How does one deal with life not turning out how you thought it would? I'm not talking about not being a millionaire novelist on the NY Times bestsellers while traveling the world to write my latest, but instead it is simply not having the energy to wake up in the morning and get things done. I never thought I would regret having children with energy. They just keep going and I can't. I thought I would be the woman who did everything with their kids and could homeschool and take them to the park every day and teach them to read and write and multiply... Ok. Perhaps my goals were a bit out of control. But I barely get them to school in the morning. I barely get them home. When they are home, I have to concentrate on what to cook. I do everything I can to shop with only seth so I don't have to fight anyone and then I take a nap with Seth and Katherine has to play alone. I never thought I would have exhaustion to the bone so that I take 10 vitamins a day, switched my deoderant, bought a water system to clean out the alkaline in me... I have gone to a chinese medicine guru... And I think I have to give up sugar. I crash when I come down. Will life be worth living? I don't understand why things like this happen to people. I have a friend who became chronically ill right after giving birth. She is not living the life she thought either.
What do you do when things didn't turn out the way you thought? When your body turns on you? How do you fight back? What do you do when you feel as though you are there for no one, not even yourself?
I just really wish House was a real person who I could go to and be saved. Lately I have been watching that show with envy. It simply isn't fair that House isn't a reality show. I would try hard to get on that one. Maybe even pretend my kid is in a balloon floating in the sky... Wait someone already did that.
Posted by Marianne at 10:21 AM